Loading ...Unraveling the Dialogue of Jar Jar Binks
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Loading ...By Dale Nauertz
If you listen ever so carefully, you can decipher a secret message in all of the annoying, orange space clown’s lines.
Just listen:
“Me’sa back!”
Translation: “Me’sa Suck!”
“You’sa Guys Bombad!”
Translation: “Buy all my toys at your local Wal-Mart Discount Store! Bug your parents until they want to kill George Lucas with a pointy object!”
“Hello, boyos!”
Translation: “If you think I’m annoying, wait until that Jake Lloyd dufus shows up.”
“You’sa people gonna die?”
Translation: “It’s been too long since I said something stupid. I know you missed me.”
“Ye Gads! Wassa me’sa saying?!”
Translation: Here, Jar Jar is expressing the question on the mind of every member of the audience.
“Mooey, mooey, I love you!”
Translation: “Me’sa want ten percent of the gross and fifteen percent’sa all action figure sales!”
“Well that smells stinkowhiff.”
Translation: ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
“Me’sa luv you long time.”
Translation: (Okay, so it wasn’t in the movie, but I was just entertaining thoughts of what it would have been like had Jar Jar played the role of the Vietnamese prostitute in “Full Metal Jacket”.)
“We’sa goin’ home!”
Translation: “If it weren’t for the big light saber fight, you’d all be making for the exits about now.”
Can’t wait for the sequel now, can you?
But Jar Jar could have spiced up plenty of other movies of the year as well. Just imagine it: Jar Jar as the star of Kevin Spacey’s masturbatory fantasies in “American Beauty”, Jar Jar being electrocuted in “The Green Mile” (we know you’d line up for this one). There are loads of options. He could be one of the digital characters obscuring the heavy action of “Eyes Wide Shut”. He could play one of the soldiers in “Three Kings” (”We’sa gettin gold!” “Me’sa save you Marky Mark!”). He could have humped the pie in “American Pie”. He could have testified against Big Tobacco in “The Insider”. He could even have performed backroom abortions with Michael Caine in “The Cider House Rules” (there’s one orphan no one would have been sorry to lose).
Hell, the possibilities are limitless!
