By Jason Jones

I should have known. I really should have. When was the last time the Oscars got it right anyway? I don’t know, but it’s been awhile. Maybe with “Titanic”, but who knows. This year seemed like they were going to screw it up again, but then events towards the end of the show made it seem as if the Academy voters were going to extract themselves from the rectal cavity of “Gladiator” and do the right thing after all.

Boy was I wrong! The false hope came in the form of Stephen Gaghan winning adapted screenplay for “Traffic”, Cameron Crowe taking original screenplay honors for “Almost Famous” and the biggest shock of the night, Steven Soderbergh taking home a much deserved best director award for “Traffic”. I couldn’t believe it. They had gotten three in a row right! When was the last time this happened?!? After Soderbergh’s win, I had high hopes that they were going to actually give the best picture to a deserving film such as “Traffic”. Boy was I in another world. We’re going to give it to “Gladiator” instead of giving it to a film that has an important message behind it.

Don’t get me wrong. I like “Gladiator”. I really do. It’s a well done popcorn film with some wonderful performances (but not that wonderful). It is a pretty good film that had no right being anywhere near the stage on Oscar night. I can name at least ten films that were better this past year and I think I will. “Quills”, “Wonder Boys”, “Requiem For a Dream”, “Traffic”, “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”, “Almost Famous”, “Space Cowboys”, “Dr. T. & The Women”, “Erin Brockovich”, “The Patriot” are just ten of the many that were better films than “Gladiator”.

The crowning of “Gladiator” as the best picture of 2000 is the lone reason why people will look back on the body of films from 2000 as nothing more than a joke. This is totally unfounded and something I have been thinking about a bit lately. I actually think, hang onto your butts, that 2000 may have been a better year than 1999, but that salvo will be held back until I unleash my best of 2000 list, which will be arriving before too long.

I guess there were some other awards handed out on Oscar night, which felt more like career recognition night than rewarding the best of the best. I figure I will go through each of the major categories and tell you who won and who I thought should have won. That sounds like fun.

BEST ACTOR

Javier Bardem (”Before Night Falls”)
Russell Crowe (”Gladiator”)
Tom Hanks (”Cast Away”)
Ed Harris (”Pollock”)
Geoffrey Rush (”Quills”)

This one really irritated me. Somehow the Academy, in their infinite wisdom, bestowed this award on Crowe. WHY?!?!? The only reason I can think of is that this is the Academy’s way of saying, “Sorry Russell. We screwed up last year by not giving you the award for your performance in “The Insider” (which was an Oscar worthy performance).” That is the only notion I have as to why and how they could give it to some fool going around saying “I am Maximus. Hear me roar!” over the likes of the other nominees in the category. Rush was nothing short of brilliant in “Quills”. He is the Marquis De Sade, but maybe he was a little too much for the academy in terms of his running about in little to no clothing for a large portion of the film. Piss on them! Rush rules!!! Hanks also delivered a fine performance that was augmented by the back and forth he had with a mere volleyball that took on a life of it’s own through Hanks’ grounded acting. The other two performances (by Bardem and Harris) I have not had the privilege of seeing yet, but I need to. Just based on the clips I saw of their performances on Oscar night I would have handed either of them the little gold guy over Crowe.

BEST ACTRESS

Joan Allen (”The Contender”)
Juliette Binoche (”Chocolat”)
Ellen Burstyn (”Requiem For a Dream”)
Laura Linney (”You Can Count On Me”)
Julia Roberts (”Erin Brockovich”)

This category was the only sure thing of the evening, but the sure thing was not the right thing. Julia was great in “Erin Brockovich”. Hell, I even championed her cause for the better part of last year. That was before I saw Ellen Burstyn wither away before my very eyes in “Requiem For a Dream”. It was then that I knew I had seen the BEST PERFORMANCE of 2000. There is not a flaw to be found in her performance. She takes what has to be one of the most difficult, demanding, and degrading roles ever assumed by a woman of her stature and makes it into something that is beautiful to behold, but horrifying to watch. Aside from Ellen, Joan Allen also gave her usual brilliant performance in “The Contender”. If it were not for Ellen, Joan would have been the most deserving in my eyes. Laura Linney is always great and although I haven’t seen “You Can Count On Me” yet, after seeing a clip of her performance I think I can justify saying that she deserved to be among the nominees. That is something I cannot say for Juliette Binoche, the Miramax ice princess who was here for reasons unbeknownst to myself and the majority of the cinematic world for her performance in the Oscar bait fairy tale that is “Chocolat”. Lastly, Julia, the next time you win an award could you not be quite so longwinded? As you droned on it seemed as if you were saying “I make $20 million for every movie I make, so you will listen to everything I have to say.” I think that anybody else, with the possible exception of Tom Hanks, would have had the music cued on them after about a minute and a half, but she managed to ramble for three and a half! Plus, if Tom had won, I’m thinking he would have had the class to wrap it up within an appropriate amount of time. Not good Julia, not good.

BEST DIRECTOR

Stephen Daldry (”Billy Elliot”)
Ang Lee (”Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”)
Ridley Scott (”Gladiator”)
Steven Soderbergh (”Erin Brockovich”)
Steven Soderbergh (”Traffic”)

This one floored me. I couldn’t believe they got it right. I expected another Ang Lee win, which wouldn’t have been a bad thing, but it wouldn’t have been the right thing. This was Soderbergh’s year and I was very happy to see him rightfully rewarded for his directorial masterpiece, “Traffic”. It was also fun to watch Ridley Scott sink in his chair and look constipated, after Soderbergh’s name was announced, due to his realization that he was not going to walk on stage. I bet he was wishing that he had been a producer at that point. Oh yeah, there was that Stephen Daldry clown who made that manipulative jingoist piece of crap that goes by the name of “Billy Elliot”. I don’t care about your movie and I don’t plan on ever having to put myself through seeing it. Make something I give a shit about next time.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Jeff Bridges (”The Contender”)
Willem Dafoe (”Shadow of the Vampire”)
Albert Finney (”Erin Brockovich”)
Joaquin Phoenix (”Gladiator”)
Benicio Del Toro (”Traffic”)

I have no complaints about the selection of Del Toro in this category. I was slightly pulling for Dafoe to win, but I would have been more than happy with any one of these distinguished gentlemen taking home the award.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Judi Dench (”Chocolat”)
Marcia Gay Harden (”Pollock”)
Kate Hudson (”Almost Famous”)
Frances McDormand (”Almost Famous”)
Julie Walters (”Billy Elliot”)

This was probably the biggest shocker of the night. Oscar pundits had been proclaiming Kate Hudson the winner for weeks in advance. This I could not understand. I thought “Almost Famous” was great, but not because of Kate. I thought she merely held her own and I can’t say that she would have been on my list of nominees for the past year. Thankfully the Academy stepped up and gave it to a fine actress, in a little known film, by the name of Marcia Gay Harden. I haven’t seen “Pollock” yet, but judging by the clips I’ve seen I’m sure she’s great in it and well deserving of the award. I was pulling for Frances McDormand in this category, but I have no complaints with the outcome. I’m just happy that the Academy brushed aside the pretentious Oscar-bait performances of Julie Walters and Judi Dench. The way things have gone in recent years I think Judi Dench could garner a nomination for taking a shit. Watch for her next year in “The Outhouse Rules”. If only the next Miramax turd in the pipe were so aptly named.

Other things that didn’t completely piss me off, but irritated me nonetheless include:

1. “Gladiator” beating out “Quills” for costume design.

2. “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” beating out “Quills” for art direction.

3. “Gladiator” losing the one category I felt it should win, best score, to “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”.

4. “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” beating out the often overlooked Mel Gibson revolutionary war drama “The Patriot” for best cinematography.

5. “The Grinch” beating out “The Cell” and “Shadow of the Vampire” for best makeup.

6. “Gladiator” by some stretch of the imagination taking the visual effects award from “Hollow Man”.

7. Last, but certainly not least, “U-571″ beating “Space Cowboys” for sound editing. This violates the first rule of Oscar balloting “Thou shalt not vote against Clint!”

Well, that’s about it. Once again the Oscars have irritated me in untold ways, but at least they got a few things right this year. Maybe this is a trend that will continue in years to come. I hope that is so, but I am not going to hold my breath. Instead it is much more likely that I will be impersonating Colonel Kurtz from “Apocalypse Now” come Oscar night next year. I can hear him, as “Gladiator” was announced as the best picture winner, saying those words that are his and his alone.

“The horror.”

This entry was posted on Monday, March 26th, 2001 at 9:52 pm and is filed under Jason Jones. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.