2001 / 119 Minutes / PG-13
Reviewed by Dale Nauertz

People are always bitching at Hollywood for remaking the classics. And they have every right to. But, on this film, I am rather conflicted. Yes, there was no real point in remaking “The Planet of the Apes”. I think everyone who wanted to see this sort of movie were pretty much satisfied with the original. Then again, there was no reason for them to make four sequels of the damn thing either. So I really don’t have a problem with them remaking this one, personally. Having another chance to see people running around in ape makeup is the more entertaining than most of the ideas I can conceive of.

“Planet of the Apes” is the story of an astronaut who ends up on a planet inhabited and ruled by intelligent apes and people who are forced into subservience to them. The astronaut challenges these ideas, both times out of the most selfish possible motive: he’s a human, he’s used to being the top dog, why wouldn’t he want to be the top dog again?

His main opposition is a general named Thade (Tim Roth) who views the human race as a virus to be wiped out. They are a thorn in his side, and the astronaut’s escape only provides him with the reason to eradicate the human race, as he has been wanting for years.

The main problem with the film is Mark Wahlberg’s astronaut charcter. In short: he doesn’t have much of a character. Though I must admit that there isn’t a lot for him to do. He’s a bland action hero. However, I sorta think that’s Tim Burton’s point here. Wahlberg ends up on the planet in one of the flimsiest excuses in recent cinema (though not as bad as the “parasailing incident” in “Jurassic Park 3″: that was pretty weak). And once he is on the planet, all he wants is to escape the planet and get back where he belongs. He starts a revolution, but only incidentally. He doesn’t really care about the humanity on the planet, all he wants is to ditch the place. Come to think of it, that’s fairly interesting right there. There aren’t enough heroes that are secretly pricks. Still, he could have had a little more charisma.

Every other Tim Burton movie has a fascinating main character. Think it over. Ed Wood (nuff said on that one), Michael Keaton’s flawed and vengeful Bruce Wayne/Batman, the bundle of neuroses that is Johnny Depp’s Ichabod Crane. These are interesting guys in interesting situations. Compared to them, Wahlberg doesn’t measure up.

The ape actors, however, are marvelous. Tim Roth is more menacing with just his eyes than most people are with their whole bodies. Paul Giametti is a hoot as the slave trader ape. Michael Clarke Duncan is utterly intimidating as Roth’s right hand ape. And one can see how Wahlberg might be tempted toward bestiality with Helena Bonham Carter’s Ari hanging around. She’s sexy despite her layers of brilliant makeup. Any of these characters is far more interesting than any human on display.

The film’s wit is its saving grace. Thank God, there is a lot of wit on display here. I particularly liked the use of Charlton Heston’s classic “damn, dirty apes” line with a distinctive twist and the ape with an organ grinder and a midget human dancing at its feet. And the plot actually holds up under later scrutiny. I’m not sure what the hell the ending means. If it’s meant to screw with our heads, mission accomplished. If it’s meant to leave us wanting more, it does a great job of that as well. I never thought I would say this: but I could go for a sequel.

Though what is largely missing is Burton’s usual visual style. Why “Planet of the Apes”, Tim? Where is the darkness? Where are the odd angles and the moody, atmospheric production design? I have no complaints. The production design and makeup are awesome, both worthy of Oscars, but they’re just so…un-Burtonian. Oh well. Still well done.

The main difference between this “Planet of the Apes” and the original is that the original was made Pre-”Star Wars” and the other is Post-”Star Wars”. Therefore, the original was more of a clever allegory and had more sense of theme. It was a little ham-fisted and not the most subtle of films. Also, as written by “Twilight Zone” scribe and host Rod Serling, it was little more than a two hour “Twilight Zone” episode. A really good one, however. And it was guilty of being slightly cheesy. But so is the new one.

The new one, on the other hand, is more of an action movie with some interesting sociological and religious ideas lurking beneath its glossy surface. This one is more like “Spartacus” with Apes replacing the Romans. We even get a full-scale battle between apes and humans near the end, which is leaps and bounds above the similar scenes in “The Mummy Returns”. It’s a lot of fun to watch actors leaping around like gorillas on crack and rushing forward with surprising, primate accuracy; hands dragging, grunting, and eerily convincing. These apes seem a lot more like apes evolving slowly into humans than the old apes did. I especially liked how, when really upset, they devolved into grunting and squealing. It was a nice touch: much more convincing than the old one.

I still like the old one better, though. Chuck was such a wonderful, cynical prick in the original (far better than white-bread-poster-boy Wahlberg) and the ending was much more potent stuff. For its day, the old makeup was still very impressive.

The new one is a good time, though. It’s worth your time and money. And it has much more personality and wit than most of the summer’s blockbusters.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 27th, 2001 at 4:28 pm and is filed under Dale's Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.