1990 / 113 Minutes / R
Reviewed by Jason Jones

If there is one thing that an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie is supposed to provide it is an escape from reality that allows your brain a much needed two hour rest. This, friends, is what makes “Total Recall” such an enigma. It actually challenges the mind to unravel the complexities of it’s plot in a manner similar to what one does when watching films like “Memento” or “Vanilla Sky”.

Have no fear though. Arnold still delivers a nice pile of dead bodies through the use of practically every method at his disposal. Unlike most lame action heroes, Arnold is wise enough to shoot no less than three of his enemies in the head. That’s right. The head! As an added bonus he also drives a spike into a guy’s neck, uses a civilian as a shield, and drills another guy to death. Much the same as in “Commando”, only with more gore, Arnold has instituted a Zero Tolerance policy for taking shit from people. It’s pretty simple. You annoy Arnold. You die. And you know what? I loved every minute of it.

This film challenges the viewer by way of it’s deceptively complex plotting. It all starts with Doug Quaid (Arnold) being decidedly bored with his life (despite the fact that he wakes up next to Sharon Stone every morning), which leads to him going to a place that specializes in delivering people’s dreams as true memories. He has been having these nagging dreams of Mars and wants to act upon them, so he signs up for the “Ego Trip” which provides the customer with a two week secret agent fantasy. The only trouble is… Problems arise during the procedure, Quaid goes nuts, and all hell breaks lose. But were there problems during the procedure, or is everything that happens from that point on merely a dream? That’s for you, the viewer, to decide.

That’s a pretty thinly veiled plot outline, but I feel it would be a disservice to those who have not yet seen the film to divulge any of the details of the plot. All I will say is that Arnold goes to Mars, bumps into a bunch of mutants, and kills practically everybody on the planet before all is said and done. He does this because he is pissed. He is pissed because everybody is trying to kill him. I don’t know about you, but that works for me.

Not only do you get the aforementioned body count, but you also get some of Arnold’s most memorable one liners. During the drilling the guy to death sequence I mentioned earlier, Arnold grabs a drill and uses it to kill a guy in some sort of excavating machine while yelling “Screw you!” at the guy. Tell me that doesn’t rock. You can’t! Another great one is the “Consider that a divorce” line that you will learn to love if you watch the film some day.

Aside from Arnold delivering on his promise of dead bodies and one liners, you also get director Paul Verhoeven (”Basic Instinct”, “Robocop”) delivering on his signature self indulgent need to film gore and tits at every opportunity. Unlike some of his other movies, it works here, because it never takes itself too seriously. I mean come on! You’ve got a Martian Sex Club loaded with interesting specimens such as a three titted woman and a midget whore as one of the principal venues! It’s played chiefly for laughs and I enjoyed every minute of it. This film is one of the rare instances where Verhoeven’s involvement in a film actually paid off by making it better.

This may not be the best of Arnold’s films, but it’s defnitely the most challenging. Valid arguments can be made on either side of the dream or reality debate with no real resolution available. I side with reality, but you can come to your own conclusion if you’d just go and watch the movie already!

If the challenges of the plot aren’t enough for you, just keep in mind that there is an action sequence that involves the midget whore stabbing a guy in the crotch and then, shortly thereafter, laying waste to a group of henchmen with a machine gun.

Now go and watch it already! You know you want to.

P.S. - I know all the guys out there are sold on this one. But a word to the wise. If you watch this one guys, be sure to pull the cup out of the sock drawer because this movie is tough on the business. Not only does the midget whore stab a guy in the crotch, but Arnold even gets kneed in the crotch. Twice! Thus proving that nothing is sacred in action films anymore.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 18th, 2001 at 1:30 pm and is filed under Jason's Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.