2002 / 100 Minutes / R
Reviewed by Dale Nauertz

I can’t say that I actively HATED “Resident Evil”, and I guess that’s something. But I really didn’t actively like much of it either. And I really cannot think of anything about it that makes it worth recommending.

“Resident Evil” is the story, I guess, of an evil corporation which has these underground offices where it is manufacturing the sort of lethal virus that turns people into flesh-eating zombies (you know, that old trick). Why a corporation would make a virus like this is never explained. Is there big money in the manufacture of flesh-eating zombies? Cause I wasn’t aware of that. If you are asking this sort of question, then “Resident Evil” is precisely the sort of film you should avoid at all costs.

“Resident Evil” is the sort of movie that, back in the Seventies, might have been done well. Hell, in the hands of a halfway competent filmmaker, this movie might have been done well. I suppose it has a good idea for a movie (but I’ve seen so damn many of these fricking flesh-eating zombie movies and, aside from “Night of the Living Dead”, most of them just blow) but I don’t really see how. The idea of people who were once your friends and co-workers now staggering after you with a hankering for your flesh is a potent and terrifying one, in the hands of a guy like George Romero. But most of the time it just leads to shit like this: movies where a bunch of morons are hunted by a bunch of zombies that don’t move very fast but still manage to eat most of them.

A group of military guys or something move into the underground facility to neutralize the computer system. Why? I haven’t a clue. Something about isolating the facility. They aren’t hunting for survivors, and they don’t plan to do anything with the facility at any further point, and they just want to destroy the main computer. So why not just seal the place up and not bother, huh? Oh, right, because then there wouldn’t be a movie. And why do the Doberman Pinchers have no skin or fur? That’s a question the movie doesn’t even bother to pretend to answer. And if the zombies and undead Dobermans are really so terrifying, then why is it that Milla Jovovich can pretty much dispatch them with just one kick? Oh, forget it.

See? There isn’t a lick of logic or sense in this movie. And there isn’t a lick of atmosphere. This is “Night of the Living Dead” for the MTV generation, and I mean that in the worst possible way. It’s dull. The action scenes are edited in that fast-paced and nonsensical style best suited to television commercials. The soundtrack, rather than opting for the subtle sound effects that made “Signs” so haunting, instead opts for volume at every turn. And this movie is completely fucked over by the choice of heavy metal music under each and every scene. A scene might have, conceivably, been sorta scary now has the feel of a Slipknot video (those are probably more menacing). This film is just so damn boring. It has the timeworn feel of cliche to every single moment (when a main character is bit by a zombie, you know what will happen…Hell, you even know WHEN) and it has absolutely no sense of ominous atmosphere. To call the characters stick figures would be an insult to stick figures everywhere. It’s loud, sure, and chaotic. But it’s not scary or exciting or thought-provoking or logical or atmospheric or, or any other thing that a good movie might possibly be. It even disappoints on the gore level, cutting away when anything mildly gross or interesting might be happening.

Watching films like this could give even the least horror-minded person a whole new appreciation for “Night of the Living Dead” which, incidentally, feels a lot fresher and more contemporary than this film. The best thing I can say about it is that the beginning of it feels like being in a video game. The rest of it, unfortunately, feels like watching someone you don’t particularly care for PLAY a video game. Watch “Dawn of the Dead”, “Alien” or, for that matter, ANY halfway decent movie instead.

At the beginning of this review, I said that I didn’t actively hate this film. But you know what? The more I think about it, the more I’m starting to.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 15th, 2002 at 4:57 pm and is filed under Dale's Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.