What am I waiting for? The 2003 Edition

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By Dale Nauertz

Well, friends and neighbors, it’s that time o’ the year again. It’s, um, fall? Yup, Fall. That’s what it is. And there’s a whole slate of flicks coming out in the last couple months here that are jockeying for your entertainment dollar. And some of these films don’t even look to suck. So, as I have done for the past couple of years, I’d like to shine the harsh light of day onto these flicks and let you know which movies I am most anxiously awaiting and, in short, look like they might actually be worth a damn. But, this year, there aren’t as many films that have me champing at the bit. There aren’t quite as many films this fall/winter that have me jumping up and down and clapping my hands like a little girl in anticipation. But oh well. There’s still a few of them lurking out there.

I think.

1. “Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King”

“Fellowship of the Ring” was awesome! Seriously, just plain amazing. I loved every second of it and still watch it repeatedly. It’s probably already one of my favorite films of all time and, in retrospect, is the greatest movie of 2001. (”Moulin Rouge” is good and all but…) “The Two Towers” is a solid, even excellent film, but not quite as good as “Fellowship” and they changed a couple characters from the book and stuff like that which might not seem like much, but still occasionally pisses me off. Still, it’s a great movie and one of last year’s best. So, at the very least, “Return of the King” should shape up to be a great movie and provide some very breathtaking spectacle. At the best, it could leave “Fellowship” in the dust and make me ruin a perfectly good pair of pants come December 17th. So, you know, hooray!

2. “Kill Bill: Volume One”

Quentin Tarantino, I think I speak for an entire nation of film geeks when I say: “Where the hell have you been?” I loved “Pulp Fiction” and “Jackie Brown” (oh, right, and “Reservoir Dogs” which I’m not so huge on, but it’s still damn good) so I’ve been wanting more films from the Q Man. The only down side is that this is a balls to the wall kung fu flick, the plot of which sounds like “Charlie’s Angels” if Charlie screwed over one of the Angels and earned her hellish wrath. I claim that as a down side because I’d sorta like to see another movie with criminals and smart, witty dialogue and an occasional bloodbath. But it’ll be nice to see Quentin bring his witty touch to the whole kung fu genre and, hopefully, he will be able to inject it with the sense of flair and coolness that it’s sort of been losing lately thanks to the fact that there seems to be kung fu in every third film being made nowadays and they just keep getting more outlandish. (Thanks, “Matrix”!) But it’s been six years, so it’ll be nice to see the words “A Quentin Tarantino Film” splashed all over the big screen.

3. “Love Actually”

I like British people. Particularly, I like British comedians. They’re usually sharper and more sophisticated than American comedians and there’s just this indefinable something about them. I’m not sure what it is. Maybe it’s the fact that thirty years of Bond films have conditioned me to see them as dapper and debonair and seeing them as anything less is just somehow hilarious. This movie is just stocked with such people: Hugh Grant, Rowan Atkinson, Alan Rickman, Emma Thompson, Colin Firth, Liam Neeson, the gorgeous Keira Knightley and even a couple of Americans- Laura Linney and Denise Richards. Plus, the whole concoction is a romantic comedy brewed up by a master of the form: Richard Curtis who, since writing the “Black Adder” and “Mr. Bean” television series has gone on to pen the scripts for “Four Weddings and a Funeral” and “Notting Hill” as well as co-writing “Bridget Jones’s Diary”. And this one is a sprawling romantic comedy of epic proportions about sixteen separate people all falling in love or something like that. The trailer was funny and the movie looks highly intriguing, which is more than I can say about most of the movies set to release in the coming months…

4. “Intolerable Cruelty”

The Coen Brothers are back, and they have once again made an alliance with George Clooney. The trailer looks fun, despite the fact that Catherine Zeta Jones is in this…which can go either way. Billy Bob Thornton seems to be providing laughs simply by showing up, which is admirable, and the whole thing looks like a breezy good time. The reason it’s not higher on this list is because the screenplay appears to be written by two other guys and the Coens seem content merely to direct. This causes me concern, but if the Coens have devoted themselves to filming someone else’s work, then that work must be worth something. Looks amusing.

5. “Mystic River”

There is one main reason to see this movie: CLINT! CLINT! The hand of God is on the tiller of this film. He’s not in it, but he’s controlling every aspect of it, and that makes it worth at least a look. The buzz is pretty good on this one as well, and it’s got a great cast that includes Kevin Bacon, Sean Penn and Laurence Fishburne, who looks relieved not to be in another damn “Matrix” movie for once. But, if you’re wavering about seeing it, I have something else to say: CLINT! CLINT! CLINT!

6. “Runaway Jury”

I usually have no interest in seeing courtroom movies, or movies based on John Grisham books, but the trailer for this movie is a breathless marvel and if the movie is the same way, well, then it should be an intense experience. Cusack is in it, and so is “Mummy” beauty Rachel Weisz, as well as veteran folk like Gene Hackman and Dustin Hoffman. The cast is cool, the concept (scrambling to decide which side of a trial controls the jury of a billion-dollar trial) is cool and the whole thing just oozes a breathless, top-notch thriller sort of attitude. So count me in.

7. “Big Fish”

I like Tim Burton and have never disliked anything he’s done. He directs this and it stars Ewan McGregor, who is, in my belief, one of the finest young actors in Hollywood today. Plus, Danny Devito is running around, and that’s usually a good thing. Add all that up, and you’ve got my ass firmly planted in a seat. The whole plot of a man investigating the tall tales of his dying father, also sounds promising.

8. “The Singing Detective”

Robert Downey Jr. and Mel Gibson are among the players of this strange musical based on a British miniseries about a delusional detective. Songs, dance, delusions, a recovering drug addict (Downey) and Mel. Even if it doesn’t work at all, it should be fun to watch.

9. “The Matrix Revolutions”

I guess I have some desire to see this movie. I should have more, though, and that’s what bothers me. The original “Matrix” is, in my opinion, one of the best science fiction films of all time. The second is alright, I guess, and fun to watch, but not a whole lot more than that. I hope that “Matrix Revolutions” is more like the original, but since I am a realist, I believe it will be more like the latter. And if it isn’t at least a hell of a lot better than “Reloaded” and explains what the fuck was going ON in “Reloaded”, then I am officially disappointed. I’m sure I will be going on opening day anyway, but I will be sitting in the theater with my arms folded over my chest, waiting for the film to have made the trip worth my while.

10. “Timeline”

Unfortunately, Paul Walker is in this. But the trailer I have seen makes it look like a good time. It’s based on a Micheal Crichton novel, and those are usually entertaining. Plus the plot involves both time travel and medieval times, which are two things that I enjoy. So I’m going to go and hopefully have a lot of fun. That’s really all I expect.

Other than that, there really isn’t much I care to see. I’d like to see Tom kick some ass in “The Last Samurai” and I am looking forward to seeing Jack Nicholson play himself once again in “Something’s Gotta Give” and I can’t really say no to a movie entitled “Bad Santa” but these ten are the ones that I am most hankering for and, frankly, I could probably do without seeing a couple of them. So there you have it. It doesn’t look like that great of a year, and it hasn’t been so far. Unless “Return of the King” completely floors me, “Pirates of the Caribbean” will probably emerge as my favorite film of 2003. And that would be just a little weird.

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