Loading ...What am I waiting for? The 2004 Edition
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Loading ...By Dale Nauertz
I do this every year, but most years there are one or two movies that I am actually, truly excited about. Last year there were “Kill Bill” and the final “Lord of the Rings” movie. The year before there was “Gangs of New York” and the second “Lord of the Rings” movie. This year, well, it’s hard work trying to figure out which movie coming out this fall/winter is the one I want to see most, because none of them have me really chomping at the bit. There are a few movies that I want to see, and some that am fairly interested in, but none of them that I’m taking time off work for (a’la “Lord of the Rings”) or highly excited about (like “Kill Bill” and “Gangs of New York”). Sure, Scorsese has another film coming out, but the Scorsese mania that was in full bloom in 2001 (when “Gangs” was originally supposed to come out) has dissipated. Maybe I need to watch “Goodfellas” again. Otherwise “The Aviator” would be higher on my list (that might also have something to do with not having seen a trailer for it and knowing that Kate “Movie Poison” Beckinsale is part of the cast). And there are no movies featuring hobbits and only movie featuring elves this year (“Polar Express”, in which I have just heard that Steven Tyler is following in his daughter’s pointy shoes by doing the voice of one of Santa’s elves) so I’ve got nothing to anticipate on that front. Who knows? This might be the year that I am forced to actually go out and get a life. But I doubt it.
So, without further ado, here we go.
1. “The Life Aquatic”
I love Wes Anderson. He’s one of those rare directors that do something fresh and exhilarating every time. He’s also a filmmaker whose movies are so distinctive that you know, as the credits are still showing, that you are watching one of his movies, and that no one else would have had the desire to make it. Since there are so few truly unique talents out there, that is the reason I have such a desire to see this movie. Not only that, but it’s the story of a Jacques Cousteau-like oceanographic explorer (played by Bill Murray with facial hair) searching for a rare shark that killed one of his buddies. The cast also includes Willem Dafoe, Cate Blanchett and, because no Wes Anderson movie would be complete without involving him somewhere, Owen Wilson. The idea of Bill Murray and Owen Wilson hunting a shark is a highly entertaining concept, especially when you factor in Anderson’s own quirky brand of charm. Will Murray finally win the Oscar he was denied last year? Will Wes Anderson finally get some Academy recognition? Frankly, I don’t care. I just want to see Bill Murray play Quint by way of Cousteau. That alone will assure that I buy a ticket.
2. “Team America: World Police”
I don’t personally think that “South Park” is all that ingenious of a show. Sure, there are some episodes that are filled with wit and actually make me cackle with glee (including the recent “Passion of the Jew” episodes with Cartman leading some kind of Christianity brigade while dressed like Hitler) but overall I find the show to be rather hit and miss. But the mere notion of a movie making fun of the pursuit of terrorists and the current political climate by the makers of “South Park” and featuring a cast made entirely of marionettes (!) is just too wonderful to pass up. This could, conceivably, be the most gleefully offensive movie since “Bad Santa”, and it’s also made with puppets. Oh, I am so there.
3. “I Heart Huckabees”
I’m not even sure what this movie is about. I know that it’s a comedy by David O. Russell whose “Three Kings” was a great movie and whose “Flirting With Disaster”, while mildly overrated, still had a scene where Alan Alda is making LSD in his basement. This promises to be a distinctive, weird comedy featuring Jude Law possibly going insane and possibly break dancing in the woods. The cast also includes Jason Schwartzman (who can hopefully make another movie where he’s as good as he was in “Rushmore”), Mark Wahlberg (who I can usually do without, but the last time he was really good was in “Three Kings”, so maybe Russell knows how to make the guy earn his check), Lily Tomlin and Dustin Hoffman (the last two playing “existential detectives” or something). I don’t expect this movie to do very well at the box office, but I just want to see a comedy that isn’t afraid to have some fun and embrace some strange ideas and mine them for all they are worth. I don’t know why this movie appeals so strongly to me, I just get a good vibe from it.
4. “The Aviator”
Even though I’m not rabid to see this, it does have one of my favorite actors (Leonardo DiCaprio) in it and is directed by one of my favorite directors (Martin Scorsese). It’s the life story of Howard Hughes, which is just an interesting concept all by itself, and it has some great supporting actors in it: Cate Blanchett, Jude Law, Gwen Stefani (oh lovely, lovely Gwen, she’s never acted but I really like looking at her) and, well, let’s hope she’s better than in “Van Helsing”, Kate Beckinsale. It probably won’t be Scorsese’s best work but hell, even the worst Scorsese film is worth watching a couple of times (no, wait a sec, that would be “New York, New York” which I haven’t managed to stomach all the way through, so maybe I’m wrong on that). It probably won’t be perfect, but it’s got a better pedigree than most of the movies coming down the pike in the next few months.
5. “Ocean’s Twelve”
It’s the sequel to “Ocean’s Eleven”, for those of you who are slow on the uptake. The original cast is all back, with the addition of Catherine Zeta Jones as the ex of Brad Pitt. Apparently, Pitt and Jones have all the chemistry of a dying panda and a ravenous hyena, but if the movie is half as entertaining as the first one it will be a good time. That’s all I really want out of it. I just want to see Clooney acting suave, Pitt being cool, and everyone else doing the same thing they did the first time. I don’t want anybody to reinvent the wheel here; I just want to have fun.
6. “Alexander”
In the wake of “Braveheart” and “Gladiator” it seems that we’ve had roughly three thousand and two hundred epics in which hordes of people yell and run at each other with swords. And I’m frankly tired of it. Granted, “Troy” was far better than I expected, but it’s still a genre that has been drained of most of its life. But if any man can bring it back from the dead, that man is Oliver Stone, who never met a movie genre he played straight. Without knowing it, I’ve become something of an Oliver Stone fan. He’s made some spectacular movies and, like Kubrick, he’s a guy whose movies need more than one viewing to truly sink in. Plus, I think Colin Farrell is a hell of an actor, I still like seeing Angelina Jolie for some reason, and I think Anthony Hopkins is running around in this somewhere. I’ll check it out.
7. “Spanglish”
James L. Brooks is a great director of movies that make you laugh and make you think as well. I love “Broadcast News” more than any of his other flicks, but “As Good as It Gets” and “Terms of Endearment” aren’t bad at all. Not only that, but I have grown into something of an Adam Sandler fan over the past few years and Brooks actually thinks enough of the man to cast him in this story. What is the story? I don’t know. From what I’ve read it involves Sandler playing a chef whose life starts to go haywire or something. Who knows? But it’s got a great director and an actor who is likeable at worst and great at best (check out “Punch-drunk Love” if you somehow doubt me) and it features Tea Leoni, who has been ripe for stardom for quite some time, she just needs the right movie to push her to the forefront. If everything works, this could be that movie. It sounds fun, anyway.
8. “Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow”
Okay, let me break this down for you. Giant robots are attacking the world, the time is the 1930’s, and a heroic, crack flying ace known as Sky Captain has to save the world with his feats of derring do. If it’s half as much fun as it sounds, if it pays half the respect to old serials as it needs to, this could be a great movie. If it looks like it was shot against a green screen (and it WAS shot against a green screen) and the plot is overly busy or not busy enough or doesn’t find the right balance of innocence and zesty action theatrics, then it could be another “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen”. It’s got Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, (who only seems to have disappeared, she’s actually done two movies in the past couple years) Angelina Jolie, (with a fucking eye patch! Kurt Russell would be proud) and Giovanni Ribisi (a damn fine actor) in it. I’m hoping for the best, but I fear the worst. If it’s all style and no meat, then no one will hate this movie more than me. If it’s done just right, I will probably be this movie’s biggest fan. It looks like a sequel to “The Rocketeer” and I, for one, find that exciting. If Ain’t It Cool News hadn’t promoted this thing so nauseatingly, it would probably be higher on my list.
9. “Shaun of the Dead”
A British comedy about zombies! Yes, that’s right. Zombies. If Nick Hornby wrote a Sam Raimi zombie flick, well, judging from the great trailer, it would look a lot like this. The word of mouth on this film from overseas is great, so it should be right up my alley. No one loves zombie comedies more than me. Well, okay, someone probably does. But I like em a lot.
10. “Finding Neverland”
Johnny Depp stars in this. That’s enough to get my ass in a seat. But wait, there’s more. He plays J. M. Barrie, the guy who wrote Peter Pan. Apparently, the film is about the circumstances that led him to write Peter Pan and it’s got Kate Winslet in it. So, what the hell, I’ll go. Depp is an abstract artist of the acting variety. He’s never done a performance that bored me.
There, those are the ten I most want to see. But here are a few that I’m intrigued by, all the same.
“Closer”
It’s got Julia Roberts in it. Not so good. But it’s got Clive Owen in it. A little better. The trailer shows Natalie Portman doing a striptease. Hmmm, better still…
“Blade: Trinity”
Did the world really need another “Blade” movie? Going out on a limb here…No. But some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill.
“National Treasure”
Nicolas Cage finds a treasure map on the back of the Constitution. No. Seriously. Bruckheimer produced it. So it’s probably going to suck. But that concept is just great. I must see it, even if it sucks.
“A Sound of Thunder”
Edward Burns and Ben Kingsley in a movie where some guys travel back in time to hunt dinosaurs. Sounds cool to me.
“Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason”
Renee Zellweger as darling Bridget again. Colin Firth and Hugh Grant are back. All this has to do is be as good as the first one and I’ll be happy. I love British comedies, more than I have any right to.
“The Forgotten”
Julianne Moore wakes up one morning and her entire life has changed, but she’s the only one that seems to notice. It’s got a great, creepy trailer. Might be worth a look.
“Surviving Christmas”
A dark comedy about Christmas and gangsters that features James Gandolfini. But before you get your hopes up too high, it’s got Affleck in it. Still, last time he did this sort of thing we got “Reindeer Games”. So there’s still some hope.
“Sideways”
Alexander Payne is back in action after “Election” and “About Schmidt” in the story of an alcoholic writer and his friend going to a vineyard or something. If Payne made it, I’ll see it.
“Meet the Fockers”
The unnecessary sequel to “Meet the Parents”. It features Dustin Hoffman watching DeNiro shower and DeNiro getting a back rub from Barbra Streisand. So it might be worth a look.
And then there is the one movie that I won’t see, and if I do, I will have to be dragged to the theater, kicking and screaming and probably in restraints “A Shark’s Tale”. Have you seen a trailer for this thing? It looks positively awful. Maybe the reason “The Aviator” isn’t higher on my anticipation list is because Scorsese plays a mobster shark that, in the trailer, licks a fin and puts it to his ass and makes a hissing sound. Ugh. Will Smith, who I loved in the under appreciated “I, Robot” (it’s seriously the best action flick of the summer) returns to Shitville as a tiny fish who pretends to kill a shark and then dances on a table while singing MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This”. I’m not huge on the trailers for Pixar’s “The Incredibles” either, but it’s GOT to be better than this.
And, despite the presence of Tom Hanks in multiple roles and the directing talents of Robert Zemeckis (one of my favorite directors ever) “The Polar Express” just don’t look all that hot. Maybe if I was five I’d be primed to see it. But I’m not five. I haven’t been five in a loooong time. So I think I’ll pass, thank you, despite the fact that Steven Tyler (lead singer of Aerosmith) is playing one of Santa’s elves. Having Tom Hanks and the lead singer of Aerosmith in the same movie is one of the signs of the Apocalypse, isn’t it?
So there you have it. As far as I’m concerned, this is everything that looks worthy of a shit in the upcoming months. Maybe there will be a few pleasant surprises smuggled in there somewhere. I’m hoping so. And I do want to see most of these. But none of them look worthy of smuggling in pudding over.
