This week I’m complaining about:

The aliens in ‘War of the Worlds’ better not have shields, dammit!

There’s really only been two “big ticket” Alien mass invasion movies - the original War of the Worlds (1953) and Independence Day (1996) These movies had two big things in common: special effect mass destruction and of course, aliens with shielded spaceships.

The problem with shielded spaceships is that for the first 2/3rds of the movie the aliens basically blast the hell out of whatever they want (typically national landmarks rather than items of military significance) and humans spend all their time shooting blindly at them or running away. Then in Act 3 the humans find some way to deactivate the shields (ie: with a Mac laptop at the end of Independence Day) or “mother nature” comes in and kills the alien intruders with bacteria / STD’s / mad cow disease. (I’m still waiting for one where the lead alien says “You know what? I think this is the wrong planet… Hm. Sorry about the mess”)

So now we’ve got the release of Steven Spielberg’s “War of the Worlds” coming up. I’m actually really looking forward to it as I think Spielberg is one of our better, if under appreciated, directors and really excels at “war” films. (1941 doesn’t count) He understands the human drama that is more important than the actual fighting, but on the same token delivers extremely well-done action scenes. Everything he shoots is done very clearly, you know exactly what’s going on and it’s all got a very realistic feel to it. And somehow he always gets excellent special effects into his movies, so well done they just seem real. It probably has something to do with him being buddies of the guy who owns ILM, but who knows?

Which is why if the aliens have shields I’m going to be very disappointed.

The thing is, this movie is called WAR of the worlds, not “One world comes down and has a shooting gallery out of our world” War is all about conflict and loss on both sides. If the aliens have shields, where’s the conflict? All we do is run away and watch our shit get blown up. Now this isn’t all bad but as mentioned, it’s been the course for the earlier alien invasion movies so I really hope Spielberg does something different.

Look at the Iraq war (Either one, take your pick) A superior force goes in and fights an inferior one, much like when aliens attack Earth. Now even though it’s obviously a one-sided battle the superior side still takes plenty of damage. Planes get shot down, helicopters blown up. Sure we still win but it’s not a total victory - lives and equipment are always lost in any large-scale battle.

Now look at the new War of the Worlds (WotW henceforth) Obviously, as seen in the trailer, these alien ships / tripods / whatever are huge and armed with weapons enough to kick our ass ten times over. But so why can’t a F-14 fly by and lob a few missiles at it, perhaps taking out a tentacle or maybe even knocking one down? Maybe a tank could blow a few holes in an alien vessel, and then get stepped on. (Insert Wilhelm scream) If the aliens have enough ships who cares? But if we can cause damager right away then it at least seems like we might have a chance - that we could put up a fight. Or win a battle. Or a WAR. Of the worlds!

Maybe I’m just worrying ahead of time but think of how cool it would be to see jets, tanks and maybe even battleships fighting, actually engaging in battle, with alien tripods! In most “alien invasion movies” to date the aforementioned vehicles lob rounds at the aliens, see them bounce off the god-damn SHIELDS, and then run away with their turrets between their legs. Cut to the President / geeky scientist wondering “What can stop those shields? Let’s think about it for an hour while a bevy of multi-ethic characters hug their wives and save their dogs!” That’s just lazy… I want a bullet, missile, shell and bomb filled ORGY of destruction! Think of how cool it could be, the superbly done battles of “Saving Private Ryan” but with the army fighting aliens. The mind reels at the possibilities.

I should give this film more credit, especially since I haven’t seen it. Spielberg is a HELL of a director who knows sci-fi better than people will ever give him credit for and if anyone can make this film kick ass it’s him. Remember, it was Spielberg who ended the curse of “saving the dog” in 90’s disaster movies when he had one eaten in Jurassic Park 2. No modern director has made the range and variety of war action movies that he has, from the inventive comic action of “Raiders”, to the human and refugee element of ‘Schindler’s List” and the utterly real violence of “Saving Private Ryan” I say “C’mon Steve! Make this the war to end all wars, the ultimate American refugee film, a behind-alien-lines suspense thriller with a heart of gold!” It could be one hell of a film if you think about it, and I’m crossing every finger in toe in hopes that it is.

Just don’t have shields, dammit!

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR MY NEXT RANT!

Entitled:

”10 Annoying Trends Started by Hit Movies”

This entry was posted on Monday, June 20th, 2005 at 4:41 pm and is filed under Ben Heckendorn. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.