2006 / 87 Minutes / R
Reviewed by Dale Nauertz

There is a fine art to making a great action movie. The film needs to have enough plot to propel the action sequences, enough plot to drive them and give them a reason to exist. However, it’s usually best if that plot is not too complex. If the plot is too complicated, then the film is thrown out of balance. No one goes to these movies, after all, for plot. For that, people see interesting little independent movies or those prestige films released in the last two months of the year…or they stay home and read a book. Then again, not enough plot and the movie just becomes a series of explosions without reason. With too little plot, the audience is still provided with some chaos, but they don’t care about it. They are left with no emotional investment in the proceedings. They have nothing and no one to root for (in this it’s also good to have an interesting or, failing that, likable hero and an interestingly evil villain for him to play off of). Therefore a good action movie needs enough plot to keep it moving, but not enough to slow it down. A good action movie plot should be fairly aerodynamic.

Then again, judging by the movie “Crank”, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe a good action movie doesn’t need much plot at all. However, a good action movie needs something that makes it unique. If you can’t hatch an interesting plot, then you at least need an intriguing gimmick.

Like “Speed”, “Crank” has the least plot imaginable…but it does have a great gimmick. A hit man inexplicably named Chev Chelios (played by the taciturn Jason Statham) awakens one morning feeling like shit. He soon discovers the reason for this: he has been poisoned in his sleep by a dude named Ricky Verona (Jose Pablo Cantillo) with something nicknamed a “Beijing Cocktail”. This drug inhibits the gland that produces adrenaline, or something, causing his body to slow down and eventually shut down altogether. Verona helpfully, and cockily, informs him that he’ll be dead in an hour. However, Verona didn’t count on Statham being a truly resilient son of a bitch. Chelios discovers the only way he can stay alive is by forcing his body to produce adrenaline. Therefore he can’t slow down. He drives as fast as he can, starts random fights, takes drugs, has very public sex with his sweet girlfriend (an adorable Amy Smart) and does just about anything he can to keep his heart pumping. Like a shark, he has to keep moving, as fast as he can, or he’ll die. In short, it’s kind of like “Speed”, except Statham is the bus.

I’ll admit, the premise of this film is pretty ludicrous and kinda stupid. The movie itself has as much logic as a film like “Road House” or “Con Air”. It bears only a passing resemblance to our reality. But that’s fine. That’s really all I want out of my action movies. It has a ludicrous premise, but it plays that premise to its hilt. The movie stays exciting because, like its protagonist, it never slows down. Rapid edits, split screen, Atari graphics, Google Earth, the filmmakers (mysteriously named Nevedrine/Taylor) throw everything they can conceive at the audience to keep our adrenaline pumping, to keep us on our toes. I never knew where this film was ultimately going, or where it would take me next. I thrive on that sensation. The filmmaking style borders on overkill, but for once this excessive style of filmmaking actually works with the story it’s trying to tell. The style of filmmaking actually makes you feel like the main character, moving as fast as you can and keeping yourself adrenalized. The action sequences are clever and inventive, which helps immeasurably. The film’s actual plot (the reason why Statham’s oddly named character has been injected with “this Chinese shit”) is pretty routine. It’s the same plot we’ve seen in pretty much every hit man movie ever made. But since the filmmakers seemed to use their time devising ingenious action scenarios instead, I really didn’t mind. I’d rather more writers and directors used their time to make things explode in new, exciting ways as long as the plot of their film isn’t going to reinvent the wheel anyway. There are some great fight sequences, an excellent sequence in a hospital, the best car chase through a mall since “The Blues Brothers”, and a particularly outlandish motorcycle ride. This is the most fun I’ve had at a movie in ages. I also love that the filmmakers milk their bizarre premise for all that its worth. They continually find new, inspired ways for Chelios to keep moving and new methods for him to introduce bursts of adrenaline into his anatomy. I love it when a movie makes the most of its premise. If you’re gonna go, go balls out.

The film loses a bit of steam toward the middle, I must admit. I actually started to get a tad restless. That’s when it starts to concentrate on the actual plot which, as I said before, is pretty routine and flimsy. But the filmmakers “everything but the kitchen sink” approach to this outlandish material works more often than it doesn’t and the actors (particularly the twitchily psychotic Castillo, the eye-poppingly intense Statham and Dwight Yoakam as a depraved, laconic Zen Cowboy doctor) invest these outrageous proceedings with everything they’ve got. Jason Statham invests the film with urgency and Amy Smart invests her scenes with a sweet humanity. “Crank” doesn’t give you a chance to get bored. It’s not hard to suspend disbelief while watching this film either. The movie doesn’t slow down long enough for you to realize how ridiculous all of this is. It’s such giddy, goofy fun that the smile didn’t leave my face until about half an hour after the final credits rolled. “Crank” isn’t going to win an Oscar but, unlike a lot of action movies, it doesn’t seem to have any pompous delusions that it will. I don’t think the people behind this movie are even aware the Oscars exist. “Crank” isn’t reinventing the wheel; it’s just trying to keep its audience relentlessly entertained. And, on that score, it succeeds brilliantly.

It’s not the best film of the year, but it is definitely the most fun. It’s one of those rare films that understand it’s not your plot that matters, it’s your attitude. And “Crank” has enough attitude for three movies. It’s a hard-R-rated extravaganza of blood, breasts, psychosis, gore and pure unadulterated mayhem that doesn’t know the meaning of the phrase “politically correct”. I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed this sort of thing. It’s just as good as those gleefully brain-dead action movies they made in the 1980’s. If you’re nostalgic for films like “Rambo: First Blood Part 2” and “Road House” then get your ass to a theater. If not, then go see “The Illusionist” and leave the rest of us alone. Like its lead actor, “Crank” has a certain kamikaze delight that is sadly lacking in most modern action films.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 19th, 2006 at 1:59 pm and is filed under Dale's Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.